One Way Pessimist

I’ve always been the light one.

The half glass full

The end of the tunnel seer.

Except for in one regard.

My heart.

That is the one place

I doubt my footing.

I stand head held high

Voice strong

Confident

In every other aspect.

But my heart

My heart was born imperfect.

Holey.

Already worn too thin.

And I’ve never trusted it to anyone.

Sure there are people with rings around them

From where I clung so tight.

But they never had my heart.

Never.

The people that are supposed to have it

The people that you are born to trust

They don’t even have it.

I guard it so carefully

Because I know with the wrong breeze

It could shatter.

And I don’t want to be that person.

But I’m scared that its changing me anyway.

Scared that because it’s the one regard

I don’t see the brighter side of

That I will lose my sight completely.

Someone once told me that if she met the love of her life

And knew it

And he asked her

She’d say yes.

I know I’d say no.

I know it.

To my core.

Because I’ve seen too many people fall apart.

Seen too many tossed away uncared for hearts.

And mine is so fragile.

So withered and pale.

Barely beating out legatos

When everyone around me is staccato.

 And I can’t find the right words anymore.

Mumbling things.

Fumbling with masks

Trying to hide from people I know don’t care.

And hiding from the ones I know do.

And covering up all the smiles I see

With thumbs turned sideways

One eye closed

Like a painter sketching out a scene.

Because even just seeing other people

Handing their hearts to others

Makes me cringe and ache.

And I wonder if I’ll ever see the glass

As truly half full.

Or if,

In this one regard,

I will be the eternal pessimist.