Seeking Rescue

I’m keeping it all in.

Swallowing down the way it hurts.

Holding onto teardrops so you don’t ave to see them.

Keeping in the screams and curses and sobs

That my heart is telling me to unleash.

But I won’t.

I can’t.

I still care too much to let you hear it.

It’s not your fault I built this tower.

Not your fault I piled up my own broken pieces

Trying to find a way out of the pit I got myself into

And I thought

I thought if I could make it to the edge of the pit

 If you could just see my hand

Flailing for someone to pull me out

You’d finally see what  I’ve been trying to say this whole time.

But I never made it to the lip.

And you never heard what I was trying to say.

And now I am back where I started

But with new cuts and bruises.

And I’m trying to keep it in.

Trying to hide the way I’m falling apart.

But when I get alone

When I finally have a chance to sit

Without your amber puppy eyes searching me

I’ll let go.

I’ll fall apart.

So next time

Next time I have more to stand on.