I’m keeping it all in.
Swallowing down the way it hurts.
Holding onto teardrops so you don’t ave to see them.
Keeping in the screams and curses and sobs
That my heart is telling me to unleash.
But I won’t.
I still care too much to let you hear it.
It’s not your fault I built this tower.
Not your fault I piled up my own broken pieces
Trying to find a way out of the pit I got myself into
And I thought
I thought if I could make it to the edge of the pit
If you could just see my hand
Flailing for someone to pull me out
You’d finally see what I’ve been trying to say this whole time.
But I never made it to the lip.
And you never heard what I was trying to say.
And now I am back where I started
But with new cuts and bruises.
And I’m trying to keep it in.
Trying to hide the way I’m falling apart.
But when I get alone
When I finally have a chance to sit
Without your amber puppy eyes searching me
I’ll let go.
I’ll fall apart.
So next time
Next time I have more to stand on.