Sometimes I wish I were good enough for him.
I know that all of you will say
You’re good enough for any man
But you don’t see the miracle in his eyes.
You don’t see the way he heals the broken world he walks through.
And I’ve tried being that person.
I’ve stared at these palms long enough to map out
The path I’d need to take to get there.
And I walked down that path.
Wandered down that path.
But when the way got dark I lost my way
And I’ve never made it back.
And I’ve taken apart my DNA.
Ripped apart that double spiral
And tried to puzzle piece myself into someone
Someone as good as him.
Someone as kind as him.
Someone as adoring as him.
But I’ve only used lies as my adhesive.
Lies about where I’ve been
Who I’ve been
What I’ve been.
And I can’t find a way to take that out of my skin.
Because its echoed in every one of these cells.