What's going on here?

What's going on here?
Well Amanda and Emily both have goals to write more. Amanda wants to write a poem and a half a day for the next year, while Emily wants to write for National Write a Novel Month (NaNoWriMo), which is usually in November, but she is going to do it from now until her mission on May 18th. Here is were you can follow us in our goals! Leave comments, encouragement, and what ever else you feel like.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Invisible In My Own LIfe

Sometimes I think my fingers
Are not these pencils of blood and bone
But rather the space between them.
Sometimes I think I am everything I’m not.
I think that I am mist on the river.
I think that I am unrefracted light.
I think that I am the blank spaces on the wall no one ever seems to notice.
Sometimes  I feel invisible in my own life.
I’ve got fistfuls of friends I’m tugging out
Begging to look at me
Because I’m not quite sure if I’m real.
I understand they have their own lives
They have things they must attend to
And I’m sure I do get annoying
But sometimes
Sometimes I just need someone to wrap their arms around me
So I can know my own mass.
To know that I am not the space pushed between two atoms
But rather that I am millions upon millions of atoms.
I’ve got this fake cocky girl swagger down.
I can spit words off my lips with the most demeaning of stares
But honestly I don’t know if I’m real sometimes.
I don’t know if the pressure I feel against my back is the couch cushion
Or just my own mind hovering over some body pretending.
I run my hands along icy chain link fences
And I walk on concrete in the middle of the summer
I take scalding showers and ice baths
Just to feel something.
But that doesn’t tell me if anyone sees me.
That doesn’t tell me if this is worth something.
Because I feel invisible in my own life.
A shadow people look through.
And I know I should have more self worth
I know I should be shaking my head no
Saying I am better than this
But I still don’t know who I am.
And honestly I’m not sure if I’m the blank spaces
Or exactly what I am.
All I know is sometimes
I feel invisible in my own life. 

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