Determining Happiness

When I was little my mama told me

“Don’t let a man’s love determine your worth”

And I never did.

Oh,

Well,

No not never,

But I made mistakes and I grew up.

Grew up.

And here I am still feeling pain over the loss of a boy I hardly knew

But I thought could have some times with.

Times where I could make him smile.

Times where he could make me grin.

Times where the both of us would swim through the times.

But that’s slipping away.

And I feel that shallow bottom of the pan stomach feeling.

But its not because he was what made me happy.

It wasn’t him that made this joy well up

But the idea that I could be happy.

That the future could be brighter than the present.

So Mama, I’m still listening.

But these tears spell out his name.