Absorption Love

If I had to choose between the two of you

I would choose you.

Because I want you.

But I need him.

He makes me fall apart and break

With every quaking breath we share.

But you

You make me want to be there.

You make me want to share in moments.

Quiet and calm

While he makes me feel like every moments a storm.

Constantly awash in love and hate and anger and brokenness and joy.

But you

You with your quiet calm demeanor

Bring me peace.

Eyes closed and pleasantly warm you make me feel whole.

He makes me feel like a half.

Like only when I’m with him can I be truly happy.

Can I be truly whole.

But with you

I’m happy just knowing someone like you exists.

Happy knowing you are sharing your joy with the world around you.

I don’t need you.

But I want you.

And in that lies the difference.

A friend once told me she wanted a romance that didn’t swallow her whole.

Didn’t absorb her body and soul.

And I was at a point in time

Where I thought that was just jaded.

Sad and disappointed with the marriage her parents failed at

And I thought

No, no I want to be absorbed.

Fall completely in and never see the light of day again.

Be his and he be mine and we would be one

One against the world constant in our consistency together.

But that girl died.

The girl who wanted that absorption love.

She died that winter along with the boy she was absorbed in.

She lost her mind and he lost his heart

And neither of them made it out alive.

Sure I might look like her

And he might look like him

But we’re different people than we were then.

We are completely different.

He has lost himself too many times in the heart of a woman

To believe in the goodness of the world again

And I have found you.

Found someone I want to be with.

Someone who doesn’t make me crave being near him.

Someone who makes me feel complete without him.

So if I were given the option

Of rock star jaded man with a body of a god

Or you

I would choose you.