The Apology

You finally said it.

3 words that I longed to hear.

I am sorry.

I thought it would save me.

Thought it would heal all the broken bones and the torn limbs.

I thought that if I only knew you regretted it

That somehow it would make it as if it didn’t happen.

As if all of that climbing to the top of a mountain

To find myself at the lowest point in the universe

Didn’t happen.

But it did.

So the sorry helped.

It let me know you knew what you did was wrong.

But it didn’t make me feel better.

No those weeks of sorting out the who I am from the who I’ll be from the who I’ve been

Is what made me feel better.

I had to take these broken bones and glue them back together with things like poetry

And sunshine

And good music

And better friends.

I had to sew those limbs back on with thread made out of hope

And faith

And trust.

So thank you for the apology

I deserved it.

But it isn’t what made everything okay

It isn’t what will make us friends again.

I made that choice.

I’m still making that choice.

I am the captain of my own ship

And your words

Make none of the difference.