My whole life I’ve had a string hanging from the middle of my back.
And when you'd pull that string my mouth would open and I would say
"I hate who I am. I hate who I am".
And I could spit out all the nonjudgmental bullshit I could stomach
But when that string was pulled
The truth was what spilled forth.
And for the longest time I thought that was it.
End of story.
I am who I am and that’s all I can be.
But you came into my life.
Yes you came into it,
Not me subtly coaxing you with tricks and songs
But you willfully entered into my life.
And I thought it was pity
Thought that everyone around me including you was in on some giant joke
A joke that would culminate in that string being pulled on my back.
But that never came.
The shit never hit the fan.
I was waiting and then it ended.
Just like you came in you left.
You left without little as a word and I waited for the string.
The string of me whispering
"I hate who I am. I hate who I am"
But it never did.
Those words never escaped my lips.
And the other day I caught a glimpse of my back in a mirror
And I saw that string.
A string short and hard to see.
Something almost invisible.
And I don't know what you did
But that string is nearly gone.
That string of thoughts and images and people that told me I wasn't worth anything.
And I don't know how you did it
But somewhere between entering and exiting you minimized that string.
And you probably don't know that
And you probably never will.
You never meant for it to change me but it did.
And i stand before you now someone new.