Like Falling Alseep Under Water

”I fell in love the way you fall asleep:
slowly, and then all at once.” – John Green

I was just standing there
Numbering your positives on my fingers.
I wrote 1, 2, 3 on my fingertips
And then all of a sudden my arms were full of ink blue numbers.
I was drowning in reasons I loved you.
You filled me up with love
And it burbled out my throat
like all the fountains in all the city squares.
I didn’t think it was likely
But for the first in all my life I’d fallen completely.

But there was no point.
No reason to feel this way
Because you had no idea
And you never would.
So I drowned quietly on the nights where the rain hit my window
And I drowned in the days where I sat alone.
But most of all I drowned in the moments where I remembered you were not mine.
I gasped for air some days
And some days I was able to gather enough oxygen to seem normal.
But there were still the days I drowned on love.
Days where it was just clear that it was just like all the fountains in all the city squares,
Useless,
Pointless
And
Frivolous.

Ink blue stains across my arms
But its all adding up to your name
And thought it seemed miraculous at first.
I wish it weren’t anymore.
I wish I’d stayed awake.
I wish I’d never fallen asleep under water.