People Pleaser

I’ve got this bad habit.

This addiction almost.

Though my mother would never say it was.

I’m a people pleaser.

I crave the positive attention of others.

And I could make a list

Of possible causes.

But you don’t want that do you?

 You want silly anecdotes

Depicting my life to please every possible person

In search of some worn out half administered praise

That will get me high for half a second.

I know I could tell a thousand stories.

Of cutting corners

And breaking my own heart

Just to see a light in other peoples eyes.

But I’m trying to break the habit.

Trying to stop focusing on the drivel and the made up emotions

So  I can get to the heart of the matter.

So I can stop jumping from person to person

Feeling hurt when I don’t get the love that I am seeking.

Sure I’ve got a laundry list of people who adore me.

But for some reason my brain keeps writing them off.

I want these people

These newer, sexier, more artistic people.

And my heart is screaming that its wrong

And my head knows it too.

But for some reason

For some odd reason

Those are the only people I want to please.

Those are the only people I want love and adoration from

And when I don’t get it

When I don’t get it I feel awful.

I feel like the most low down person in the world.

Like I should just give up

And end it all.

But I keep counting those people,

Counting the ones who I do know love me.

Hoping that someday

Someday I’ll stop being a people pleaser

And the people I already have

Will be enough.