Big Wide Open

I've been begging for the big wide open for years now.

A road that stretches miles and miles
And just 4 rubber tires turning
Just me and the big wide open.
All the thoughts that I've been saving up for the last 5 years
Ready to be spilled like apple seeds across the great American roadside
I've been needing this for half a decade now
A time to let loose
Let down this unnatural hair of mine
And sink my feet into all the dirt I can find
A time where I can forget the things that bottle me up
The put downs
The constant reminders
The people who said I'd never be good enough
A time where I can soak up the good things
The you should'ves
And the you'd be greats
But I've yet to have that.
Yet to let go

Hit the road

And just keep on running till I run out.

Run out of all the bottle up things

Run out of all the great good things

And as I drive back

I’ll scoop up the things I want to keep.

Things like the way his eyes showed truth when he wished me the best

Things like the way I can hear honesty in her voice

Things like wishing on the moon rather than just a few stars.

Yeah, I’ll scoop them back up

Carry them along with me

Add the great good things together

So they form some kind of rock I can hide under.

Hide under when I get back to the wayside where I started

And the bad things start falling back down like manna from heaven.

Because I know they will and it’s just a matter of time.

A matter of time till the things that I sewed out in the mountain deserts

Start reaping their fruit and I’ve got more bad things than I ever imagined.

But maybe.

Maybe if the good things are strong enough.

Maybe if the good things are big enough.

Maybe if I hold this rock over my head just right

The bad things won’t hurt so much.

So I’m looking for the day I can head out to the big wide open.

The day I get 4 rubber tires and I lay them down pavement to pavement

And I let go of all the things I’ve been holding in.

Things like how I still cry over their deaths.

Things like how people I know can’t crawl out of bed.

Things like I lost the love I once breathed.

And when that day comes and all those things are flying out the window to the tune of my favorite song

I’ll let this poem go too.

Because I’m tired of holding onto things for sentimental value.

If it ever mattered that much I’ll pick it up on my way back.