Here are the words if I talk to fast
I still feel the way you'd stare into my eyes. The way you'd rebuke something I'd say and I wouldn't back down.
And then the world would stop.
You and I locked in eachothers eyes.
You were Mr. Cooooool.
Eyes still and strong.
Then there was me.
As still as marble on the surface but quaking like an over excited child underneath.
I think that's why you let me in as far as you did.
The way I refused to back down.
At least for a bit.
And then I'd crack.
I'd never say you were right or I was wrong, but I knew if I stared in your eyes for one more nanosecond
I knew I'd say something I'd regret.
Something too honest.
Something like I like you, or worse I love you
Or maybe I'd like and say I hate you.
Because when I get nervous I'm either all too honest or all too not and you brought that out of me.
Sometimes when my mnd grows still and my spirit flies out of my body I can still feel the way our eyes would lock.
The way the world stood still for us as we battle out our wits.
And sometimes I can still feel your empty stare.
The way you'd look at me when I knew you weren't listening.
The blank stare of the eternally somewhere else.
The way I knew you were processing some other information.
You know those weren't the looks that hurt.
I just wanted to shrink down, crawl inside your mind and see the beautiful colors you painted across that sky.
See the masterpieces you reated, the epics that you wrote.
No those blank stares only made me want you more.
The looks that burned were the ones that meant you didn't trust me.
The ones where laughter would dance across the surface but I could see beneath.
I could see beneath the aquamarine ocean of joking and see the danger dark blue unknown full of secrets and broken hearts.
Thos were the looks that made me rant.
The looks that drove me to scream into mattresses with all the force I could summon over someone who wasn't mine.
The looks that said you didn't trust me were the ones that made me pound against the walls and shake my head with frustration.
You never let me past that barrier.
The line that divided aquamarine from deep blue.
I could give you all the "you can trust me"s and "You can tell me anything"s I had and you still hid.
And that's what burned.
The way you could read me and you wouldn't offer anything in return.
I know I knew you better than some.
But you knew me more than most.
If you asked for honesty I'd give you all I had
But I wasn't strong enough to stand up and demand you be honest with me.
Whenever I got truly mad at you
When I got live and my teeth clenched and my eyes narrowed
You would grab me in one of those stares.
The stares that stopped time and made the world feel right.
You and I were like alley cats
Hackles raised and claws drawn
Hissing and spitting but never fighting.
Because we both knew what we'd been through
Had enough respect to know we'd had our share of fights and our share of scars.
We'd circle and circle but never one blow
And when tensions were highs we'd have those moments.
Those golden moments that still come to me when I close my eyes.
Those moments when everything was right and the world stood still.
And I wish I could say I hate you for that.
Hate you for making me feel alive.
Like I owned the world because I made you ignore it if just for a second.
But I can't.
I can't because you did make me ignore the world just for a minute.
You made me realize just how interesting I could be.
How the world could stop and take notice of me.
And also how small I am
How teeny tiny in the great big scheme of things.
Both extremely small and incredibly important at the same time.
So I can't hate you.
Can't hate you because I got lost in your eyes and found my place in the world.