I never got to tell you how I felt.
Not when I loved you,
Not when I hated you.
You were always protected by some girl I cared about more than you.
First her and now the other her.
But I’m still looking at your pictures and wishing I could say the words.
Wishing I could say how you mistreated me.
How you prejudged me.
How you misunderstood me.
I once worshiped the ground you walk on
And now I know the plague and famine follow you wherever you go.
But I respect your wife too much.
Too much to tell her how you treated people.
And I know you don't have the conscious to feel bad for what you did.
I used to think you were so great.
But now I know you for the worm you are.
A disgusting creature who makes me shiver with thoughts of his cruelty.
You think you're so strong.
So proud of what you've done
But behind you is a wake of people who know you for what you've really done.
The broken hearts
The stabbed backs
The whispered lies.
Yes I knew all too much to fall for the holy man act that you swore was the real you.
It wouldn't matter so much
If people I thought deserved better
Weren’t still under your spell.
Weren’t still blinded by the cataracts of your initial presentation.
So I never got to tell you how I really felt
Both when I loved you and now when I hate you
But I can say this.
You opened my eyes.
Opened them to the way that not everyone has a good heart.
Not everyone means what they say.
Not everyone is honest but sometimes
It’s worth it to give in to them for a bit.
So now I hate you.
When I see your face my eyes get tight my stomach turns and my teeth clench.
In other words
You disgust me,
But I never regretted being under your spell.
Goodbye to you slinging bull.
Goodbye to your passive aggressive behavior.
Goodbye to the mann.