The last year has been a hard one.
Hard in a way I don’t know how to describe because I never learned to say those words right.
I don’t know how to sit down and tell you the roller coasters that were the last year.
But I can tell you one thing.
One thing that is certain and has wreaked havoc on my life since.
I learned how to love.
Learned how to forget the scars and marks that years of distrust left on my soul
And just fall into the love.
Swim laps in love.
Bathe in love.
Shower in love.
I’ve gargled love.
I’ve done the back stroke through a pool of love.
And not just romantic kind, but familial and friendship and academic and creative and musical and all sorts.
I learned to love without any sense of trepidation or hesitation.
So thank you to all the b-words, all the jerks, all the horrible horrible people I knew
And a bigger thank you to all those I loved.
Thank you to the people who didn’t lash back when I went swimming in that love.
For not sending me spiraling back down
Rebuilding those walls and becoming who I was.
So yes, I got hurt a lot this last year.
Parts of it I want to delete and never see again
People I wish I’d never loved.
Things I wish I’d never said.
Places I wish I’d never been.
But all of that shit.
All of that horrible awful stuff
Led me to you.
To you, the people who cared.
The people who picked me up, dusted me off, said “enough of your tears, you’re a big girl, stand up, brush it off.”
The people who cared enough to teach me how to love.