Don't Lose Yourself

They told me “don’t lose yourself darling.

Love is what makes you you don’t let the pain drown it out.”

But when your smile is what keeps you going its hard to keep when the world falls down.

When it’s the fire inside of you that runs your mind, your voice, your legs when it hits the fan the world explodes.

I swore I wouldn’t fall I wouldn’t break

I was stronger than this

I wouldn’t fall in this fire lake

But I applied the brakes just a few seconds too late.

By the time my foot hit the pedal I was falling head over heels into your eyes and lips.

I didn’t feel it when you lifted me off the ground and turned me upside down.

You shook me round so my brain fell out and my heart landed with a cathunk into my cranium.

And for the last few weeks I could hear my heartbeat in my head with nothing inbetween.

Yeah, I didn’t feel it when you threw me over your shoulder headed down to the river and baptized me with your poetry.

I didn’t feel the way your voice replaced oxygen in my blood stream.

I didn’t feel the way when I looked skyward all the snow flakes, raindrops, grey melancholy clouds, sun streaming weakly through the clouds were just an image of you that I was bouncing off my eyes and projecting up into the sky.

Yeah you were my world for a few weeks there. Everything contained in one skinny little lanky boy with a broken heart and shattered past.

You’d think I would have learned from someone elses mistake. Don’t go trying to fix something you know won’t let you mend it.

Don’t feed something that’s bit every person whose approached it open handed.

I should’ve saw the way you look out of the corner of your eyes just like I do.

The hungry animal look you get when a pretty girl walks by, just like with you I do.

The way you lick your lips when you’re feeling mischevious just like I do.

I should’ve saw it and saw that this was never gonna work. That I should just pack it up and ship it in.

But I didn’t. I kept thinking maybe if you saw it.

If you saw the way my hands were made for stitching up hearts.

The way I can always manage a smile for you even when we’re both thrown into the dark

The way our hearts beat at different tempos but to the same notes

If you could see that you’d see that this isn’t just a me thing.

This is a we thing.

We could be great together.

We could dominate together.

With your scattered artistry and with my careful planning

We could’ve woven a life together that could’ve made us both happy.

Neither of us have delusions of love that we’re made for each other

But finding someone you can fit with and loving them enough to stay together

We both know that and no ones ever answered that.

That what is love question

Quite the way you did.

Two old and decaying people who hate the way the other laughs, who can’t stand the way the other chews.

Yet they still kneel down and pray together at night because they love each other enough to push away the darkness with their light.

Yes I almost voiced that ignorant and stupid thought that maybe this could work.

Maybe for the first time in my life that it would actually happen.

But I should’ve been smart.

Should’ve knocked out my heart

I’d rather think with nothing than think with that.

But you had to leave me dizzy from all your wild artstic spinning.

Yes With my eyes crossed I did my best not to get lost inside this heart of mine.

But I did. I did get lost. I got lost and so confused

I bumped into walls and ladders and ceilings and you just left me bruised.

With blood pooling under my skin you left and it was left up to me to stand on my own.

So I threw it out.

I threw out that heart that I thought could pump for you.

Threw out that heart that I had filled with love for you.

But now their telling me I need to pick it back up again.

Dust it off, shake it out and dump every last trace of you into a pit.

But I can’t do it.

They say some heart is better than none, but for me its all or none.