I'm Gonna Be Honest

I could lie.

I am completely capable.

And I guess I kind of have.

I could lie about the way you made me feel.

I could lie about the dreams I saw unfold behind my eyelids.

I could like about the way I lost control.

But I’m not going to anymore.

I’m going to be honest with myself.

I’m going to be honest with our friends.

And I’m going to be honest with you.

Here it goes.

I lost my head.

I lost my cool that separated me from the dozens of other girls in this town.

I lost it and it took me awhile to find it again.

But I did.

And so here is the truth.

I went a little bit crazy.

I let the romantic side of my brain take over.

I was seeing half perceived visions through clouded eyes.

I got a little drunk on the wine of poetry and the beer of dreams,

But the hangovers gone,

And the goggles are off.

I could lie and say you didn’t affect me.

That I was immune to your shaggy hair and goofy grin.

But what does that accomplish?

Does denying I lost my head make me a better person?

Does being able to deny men that are so clearly my type make me superior to the rest?

Does having weak knees make me foolish or just big hearted?

I’d like to think my ability to swoon is a good thing.

Sure it’s a bit embarrassing to have a whole book of poetry dedicated to “just a friend”

But I don’t mind.

I don’t mind being open with my feelings.

I don’t mind jumping in feet first.

I don’t mind being the girl who is blown from side to side with every new man who catches her eye.

So let’s be honest.

I’d rather have my heart open and waiting,

I’d rather be the girl always over anticipating,

I’d rather be me than who I thought I was.

I’d rather nearly drown in this so called “love”,

Than be the quiet stone cold observer up above.