Its funny how my brain works.
Running at mile a minute speeds at one point
And then sluggishly dawdling along the next.
It likes to go back in time and visit things I can no longer see.
But then jump to the future and get stuck there.
It hates the present.
Always has
And I think it always will.
I’m always one step behind or two steps ahead.
Never breathing in the air I am surrounded by
But rather smelling the scent of summer in the frosty winter months
Either the one before or the one ahead.
I don’t know what it is.
Something about the having to be present and active in the moment
That scares me.
I would rather be able to look back
Or crane my neck up above the walls of today and peer into the future.
So its not that I’m mad, or disappointed with the present,
No its just that the future and the past are easier to see.
One is all clear cut shapes and defined boundaries
That I can skew and twist however I’d like.
The other is foggy and unclear
But allows for daydreams to become prominent.
I lay back on my bed and unfocus my eyes
And stare blankly ahead as moments flash by.
Those that have happened and brought me joy
And those that do not exist.
But that’s not painful at all.
It’s how the dreamers persist.
With a mind full of a fictional past and a just as fictional future
Nothing can ease the pains of today
Quite so easily as the dreams of future and past can.
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