Remember the time I spun you round my fingers?
Wrapped your spine around these sausage appendages
And whispered lullabies to you?
Remember the way we felt warm?
Knowing we were just using each other.
Pulling the skin off each others bones
Just to heat ourselves a little longer?
Oh the innocence of broken hearts.
Oh the magnificence of completely understanding a moment.
Oh the delicious sickly sweetness we found in using each other.
Two broken people
Clawing at darkness .
Trying to wrap our fingers around something
So we knew we weren’t alone out there.
Remember what I told when you left?
That I would never hold you to this?
That I would never nail you down
To a wooden cross made out of the street signs where we met?
How I would never whisper words of this
To friends as if to leave little bread crumbs
So someday when you’re hungry again
You could find me wherever I wandered?
I wish I’d never made that promise.
I wish I had never stuck to guns
Denying ourselves something
That though delicious and fruitful at the start
We both know would blow up.
Sometimes I wish I were brave enough to face the shrapnel.
Open the blaze with welcoming arms.
Enveloping in gas and wrapping myself in fire
Just like I wrapped my bones in your old skin.
But I haven’t heard from you in many months.
Haven’t seen your face.
Smelled your skin.
Heard your lisp.
And that’s okay
Because I’m living up to expectations.
Peering down into this cup
Not wondering when you’ll be around.
Not wondering when I’ll see you next.
Not wondering if I’ll ever find you again.
I am just thinking of the time
I wrapped your spine around my fingers
And I whispered lullabies to you.
Keeping warm by the nuclear implosion of each other’s hearts.