My stomach still hurts when I think about you.
My head and my heart don’t flutter and miss you.
But there is a deep dull ache.
An ache that I wish I didn’t have.
But I think that’s how it’s supposed to be with all first great loves.
Your bones aren’t meant to heal over all of a sudden.
With glistening new stronger bone.
No its supposed to hurt.
To prove that it was worth it.
To prove that what you felt was real
Regardless of how it ended.
You’d think I was silly.
Dumb for letting this heart of mine control so much.
You won’t admit it
But you’ve waltzed round in your own heart’s shoes a few times
And you’ve just come to the point
Where you’re not willing to admit you fell off the cliff.
But I will.
I’m willing to admit that I can’t look at you anymore
Because of the way it still hurts.
Eventually it will wear off.
Eventually we will just be the friends we started out as
But for now
For now I’m still seeing the way it ended when I look at you.
I’m still seeing the way you didn’t have the heart to say goodbye
And neither did I.
Just half shouted sentiments through thin walls.
I still see the way you tugged at my strings
Till I fell apart.
I still see the over imaged poems I wrote about you.
I still see the way we bickered and debated too much that last day.
I liked our banter
But that was too much.
And now I still see you every now and again.
Our mutual friends discuss you and let me know how you’re doing
But I don’t have the heart to look at you yet.
Because great loves always hurt.
And you cannot deny that I loved you in the grandest sense of the word.
I was your footstool and your mouthpiece
Your disciple and friend.
Your enemy and companion.
We both knew it would end.
Waiting for the fall out of the atomic age.
But I didn’t expect the radiation to last this long.
Didn’t expect the buzz of those last few moments
Spread through my life.
Even now I still get an ache in my stomach when I hear about you.
I still get that pit when something reminds me of you.
But I expect that to last awhile.
Because after all
Aren’t all first great loves supposed to hurt?