Hate

I’ve shed enough tears for that.

For him.

For the man who made me a tear stained childhood

Out of harsh words and unseen scars.

And honestly I gave that away a long time ago.

Handed it to the universe and said

“Do with it what you will.

I am done with it now.”

So I’m sorry you’ve got it chained to your wrist.

Perpetually reminded of the things you remember

That I blocked out.

Perpetually dragged down by the things that he did

That I have forgotten.

I am sorry you’re still seeing all the faults and cracks in the world.

I strained my eyes looking so hard at them.

Doctor said if I kept looking at it all I’d lose my sight.

So I look at the bright places.

The happy spaces.

I know the cracks are there.

I know the scars still exist.

I know he is still a broken flawed human who deserves no respect from me.

But I can’t hold the hate in these hands anymore.

I can’t spread my fingers wide enough

To keep it all from spilling out and drowning me in it.

I can’t keep hating him

If I am ever going to learn to love anyone.