I’ve shed enough tears for that.
For the man who made me a tear stained childhood
Out of harsh words and unseen scars.
And honestly I gave that away a long time ago.
Handed it to the universe and said
“Do with it what you will.
I am done with it now.”
So I’m sorry you’ve got it chained to your wrist.
Perpetually reminded of the things you remember
That I blocked out.
Perpetually dragged down by the things that he did
That I have forgotten.
I am sorry you’re still seeing all the faults and cracks in the world.
I strained my eyes looking so hard at them.
Doctor said if I kept looking at it all I’d lose my sight.
So I look at the bright places.
The happy spaces.
I know the cracks are there.
I know the scars still exist.
I know he is still a broken flawed human who deserves no respect from me.
But I can’t hold the hate in these hands anymore.
I can’t spread my fingers wide enough
To keep it all from spilling out and drowning me in it.
I can’t keep hating him
If I am ever going to learn to love anyone.